I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
