talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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