is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
