Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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