i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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