is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize