i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
