i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
