OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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