My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
