is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
