we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
