I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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