idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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