Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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