Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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