Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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