i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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