smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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