I'm sorry my penis didn't work
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
