Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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