I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
