So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
