I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
