You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
