i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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