I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
