He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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