Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize