Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
