Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
