youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
