Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
