Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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