I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
