Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
