I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
