david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
