so explain again why im purple
no
Soap is not a condiment
My hand turned me down
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
