I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
