I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
