'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
