I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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