I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
