you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
