i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want nice things and good sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
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