You just made me feel so damn special
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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