She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
