i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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