she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
