I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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