If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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