We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
