I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
