I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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