lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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