the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
