Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
