I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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