weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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