Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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